[ she's not sure where to star with this. she knows things don't look good for her or the others. it might look worse once she asks what she wants to. ]
My best friend was accused. Shauna. But she's not the one of us I think is responsible.
[ typed through her tears. she's crying over nat less often in the more recent days, but it's still a wound that hasn't healed. she wonders if it will when she comes back or if it'll always be a reminder. she wonders if it's how shauna feels when she looks at her.
she wonders, even as she tries to figure out how to word the next part, if she should bother with this. buffy had backed up spike when he'd mentioned nat was afraid. but neither know why shauna had run and stayed gone, up until just before summer ended and she'd stumbled upon her camping site in the woods. and she can't tell them.
the ellipses appear and disappear several times before: ]
Misty, the older one, from our future. [ their future. ] I don't think either of them could ever have gone after Natalie but you heard what Misty did to Ren.
( very damning. at the same time β understandable, if you know how twisted people think? like a momma wolf, willing to brave hunters to protect her pups. poisoning people is Not Good, to be sure, but it's also not ritualistically killing them and cutting off their heads. it's difficult to fit misty into the same category as danny or saber βΒ even if not a wolf, too dangerous to let roam free. )
but i heard nat was scared of shauna, too. you don't buy it? i'm not doubting you. i just wanna hear your thinking.
I can't speak to why Nat and Travis were hiding. Over the summer. I
[ she'd only seen mel's memories, and she understands why she'd been scared of shauna, that things out there had been really bad and only gotten worse. she also knows that shauna had run because she couldn't face them, then her once she'd seen what had been done to her body.
she can't reveal that. she can't tell her what they'd done. but she can explain why she can't give a full answer. ]
If I tell you something can you promise to keep it secret?
( if spoken aloud, it would be soft, tender βΒ if she knew where she was, buffy would be there in a heartbeat to throw an arm around her shoulders, to brush her hair, to hold her while she cried. maybe they just met, kind of, but it feels like dawn reaching deep in her chest and yanking something out βΒ am i even real? do i even matter? how many times did buffy hear her offer her blood for the greater good, like that was ever an option? her annoying, obnoxious, self-loathing sister. shades of jackie are all painted in, like the echoes of dawn.)
i'm sorry, so sorry. there's no words for it. do you need someone? i'll come.
[ it feels both better and worse to say it to someone else. she'd assumed that not telling people was safer, figured that she was helping keep them safe by pretending along with them (the only useful thing she could ever do for them, besides die). she still can't be sure if she's doing the right thing or not but buffy's response floods her with relief. ]
( buffy goes, unhesitating. it's not difficult to find jackie β she recognizes her from the beehive, and there's the look on her face, which is unmistakable in its haunting. something tightens in buffy's chest, some twisting of emotion bundled up in her own kind of issues. jackie isn't that much younger than her, but she is dawn to her, in this way βΒ small and scared and alone. buffy crosses over and slides her hands over her shoulders, pulling her into a hug, tucking jackie's head into the curve of her neck. )
Come here.
( she holds her, skating her fingers through her hair, soothing. it's a long hug βΒ and it'll go on for much longer if jackie needs it, but after awhile buffy pulls her back, smoothing back jackie's hair, sliding her thumbs under her eyes. her hands cup her neck, leaning in to tap their foreheads together. )
Hey. ( buffy gives her a smile. it's not exactly happy, but it is warming, sunshine adjacent. ) You're here now. That's important. That means something.
[ she'd grown up an only child, alone. her mother had only been openly affectionate in public, when they were putting on the show of a doting mother and perfect daughter for friends or relatives or whoever she needed to keep up appearances with. it wasn't until she'd met shauna that she'd known what it felt like to be enveloped in a hug, to be comforted without question or frustration. buffy offers her comfort and affection freely and jackie isn't in a place to do anything but accept it, tears streaming down as she tucks herself against buffy's form, her body wracking with silent sobs.
it's a while before she's able to pull back, her eyes still tearful as she looks back at buffy. she breathes out shakily, trying to return the smile. it doesn't quite land. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I guess. [ one hand reaches up, smearing the tears that track her cheek. ] Thanks for meeting me.
Yeah! ( enthusiastic but soft, petting jackie's hair. buffy nods, encouragingly. ) Of course. I needed a break anyway.
( she really didn't, but it's like a lifeline βΒ offering jackie some safety net to not believe she's interrupting anything. she isn't. there's a dozen plans in the works, and probably none of them will follow through, but that's not going to stop buffy from trying anyway. her hands slip down jackie's shoulders, squeezing. )
[ jackie just nods, though she's not sure what about anymore. she's already promised shauna she'd vote with her. it still may not be enough to keep shauna from winding up like saber, or nat. and she's still so, so angry and has no idea what to do with it. ]
I don't know if it's a break. I thought - I don't know if there's enough people who think Misty is a wolf. I don't know if it matters if there's still enough people voting for Shauna. And I'm just - I'm scared for her. I don't want her to die, too.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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no subject
[ she's not sure where to star with this. she knows things don't look good for her or the others. it might look worse once she asks what she wants to. ]
My best friend was accused. Shauna. But she's not the one of us I think is responsible.
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i'm really sorry about nat. i knew her a little, and spike really cares about her. she didn't deserve that.
( for the rest, )
anyway. what makes you say that? "not the one of us."
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she's better than the rest of us
[ typed through her tears. she's crying over nat less often in the more recent days, but it's still a wound that hasn't healed. she wonders if it will when she comes back or if it'll always be a reminder. she wonders if it's how shauna feels when she looks at her.
she wonders, even as she tries to figure out how to word the next part, if she should bother with this. buffy had backed up spike when he'd mentioned nat was afraid. but neither know why shauna had run and stayed gone, up until just before summer ended and she'd stumbled upon her camping site in the woods. and she can't tell them.
the ellipses appear and disappear several times before: ]
Misty, the older one, from our future. [ their future. ] I don't think either of them could ever have gone after Natalie but you heard what Misty did to Ren.
no subject
( very damning. at the same time β understandable, if you know how twisted people think? like a momma wolf, willing to brave hunters to protect her pups. poisoning people is Not Good, to be sure, but it's also not ritualistically killing them and cutting off their heads. it's difficult to fit misty into the same category as danny or saber βΒ even if not a wolf, too dangerous to let roam free. )
but i heard nat was scared of shauna, too. you don't buy it?
i'm not doubting you. i just wanna hear your thinking.
cw: allusion to cannibalism
I can't speak to why Nat and Travis were hiding. Over the summer. I
[ she'd only seen mel's memories, and she understands why she'd been scared of shauna, that things out there had been really bad and only gotten worse. she also knows that shauna had run because she couldn't face them, then her once she'd seen what had been done to her body.
she can't reveal that. she can't tell her what they'd done. but she can explain why she can't give a full answer. ]
If I tell you something can you promise to keep it secret?
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pinky promise
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[ there. she's told someone, without them figuring it out or being told outside of her knowledge or someone else seeing it. ]
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( if spoken aloud, it would be soft, tender βΒ if she knew where she was, buffy would be there in a heartbeat to throw an arm around her shoulders, to brush her hair, to hold her while she cried. maybe they just met, kind of, but it feels like dawn reaching deep in her chest and yanking something out βΒ am i even real? do i even matter? how many times did buffy hear her offer her blood for the greater good, like that was ever an option? her annoying, obnoxious, self-loathing sister. shades of jackie are all painted in, like the echoes of dawn.)
i'm sorry, so sorry. there's no words for it.
do you need someone? i'll come.
cw: passive suicide ideation
Yeah. Please
I'm outside the hall
β action
Come here.
( she holds her, skating her fingers through her hair, soothing. it's a long hug βΒ and it'll go on for much longer if jackie needs it, but after awhile buffy pulls her back, smoothing back jackie's hair, sliding her thumbs under her eyes. her hands cup her neck, leaning in to tap their foreheads together. )
Hey. ( buffy gives her a smile. it's not exactly happy, but it is warming, sunshine adjacent. ) You're here now. That's important. That means something.
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it's a while before she's able to pull back, her eyes still tearful as she looks back at buffy. she breathes out shakily, trying to return the smile. it doesn't quite land. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I guess. [ one hand reaches up, smearing the tears that track her cheek. ] Thanks for meeting me.
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( she really didn't, but it's like a lifeline βΒ offering jackie some safety net to not believe she's interrupting anything. she isn't. there's a dozen plans in the works, and probably none of them will follow through, but that's not going to stop buffy from trying anyway. her hands slip down jackie's shoulders, squeezing. )
You wanna talk about it?
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I don't know if it's a break. I thought - I don't know if there's enough people who think Misty is a wolf. I don't know if it matters if there's still enough people voting for Shauna. And I'm just - I'm scared for her. I don't want her to die, too.