( there are days, and there are nights without giles, and buffy โ she does her best. people are kind to her, offering their sympathies and promises of vengeance, but it's hard for her heart to be into the responses, to muster up any strength to really explain how she feels. when people go noble, buffy goes quiet. and when people go smart, buffy goes self-loathing. this whole game, lacking her slayer powers, having giles taken from her early on โย it defeats her like glory never could. she still believes what she told spike, sobbing in his arms after making august vote for her, i think i give up. i think i'm done.
she's not useful when all the tools at her disposal are taken away. getting up has been the extent of her courage most days, especially today, where there's something different in the air. a full week gone and another round of death on the table, but โย but โ
he doesn't have to wait for her. buffy hears his voice like birdsong in spring, like something is thawing her open, and runs to him like she intends to plow him over and take them both to the ground. buffy stops herself just a step away, eyeing him. remembering. her own death had taken several months to reverse, and she'd spent what felt like forever in the warm embrace of heaven, or some other good place, in the interim. her eyes get watery, blinking, trying to spot the differences to him now, trying to read whatever she left unsaid in between the tension of his expression. )
Giles โ
( after a beat, she reaches up, soft hands on his cheeks, fanning out to touch more of him, to drop the points of her fingers on one hand to the tender ridges of scars on his neck. there's a moaning squeak in her throat, and she bites her lip, before hooking the back of his neck and drawing herself into him, hugging him carefully. )
I'm right here, it's okay. You're โย you're gonna be okay. ( advice from one who knows, ) Just take it slow. You don't have to say anything. We're gonna go back to the house, okay? Just you and just me, so I can get a good look at you.
( so no one eavesdrops and uses it as fodder for some stupid accusation โ so she can figure out how giles really is, without feeling guilty for the surrounding dead bodies. it's a plan, and buffy likes plans, so it's happening. she takes his hands gently in hers, and pulls him along. )
[ If she wanted to, she could have taken him down, thrown herself at him and knocked him back onto the cold stone. Giles would have welcomed it -- misses it, in fact, for a moment. It's a throb of life inside him, the desire to have her in his arms, her body pressed against his. Instead, what he gets is almost as good, tender hands on his face, on his aching throat. He closes his eyes briefly, lifting his own hands to touch hers, reverent fingertips tracing over her knuckles and the delicate bones of her wrists. ]
Buffy -- [ He says in and around her encouragement, as she pulls him close at last, his voice a rough gravel scrape of grave dirt. His arms close around her for a moment that's all too brief -- warm, she's so warm, and it makes him realise how cold he is -- before she pulls away again. ]
Buffy. [ He tries again, as she walks them back towards their house. It's an effort to get the words out past a whisper. ] Buffy, I'm okay.
( she offers him a smile with a little more life to it than there's been in the past few days โ wry, a little snarky. ) Uh huh. ( she says purposely, and fits the entire sentence you got your throat ripped out by someone who we can't finger, and were fully extremely dead for one full week, so don't even start with me in the two syllables.
inside, she's reminded of coming home after her death โ dawn, too little and too frail to understand how to handle her. or, maybe it's just that no one knows what to do in that situation, because buffy was there, she was part of it, and she still isn't entirely sure how to comfort giles. but โย she at least knows she isn't going to get anywhere by just standing at staring at him. she remembers the cold, remembers being thirsty. she remembers everything was overstimulating, so she keeps the lights low and her hand in giles', guiding him to the little, uninspired kitchen. )
Okay. I'm going to get you some water. ( she says it while she's doing it, pouring him some one handed, because she's not letting go of him. ) And then. Maybe a change of clothes? Since those are all โ I mean, they're just so last season. And then we can talk? If you remember what happened to you?
[ It's not until they're inside that it occurs to Giles, late and unfortunate, why Buffy knows what to do. He remembers the phone call from Willow. The sick, giddy hope that had soared through him, a happiness that felt like a wound. He'd booked his flight home immediately, had gone out for celebratory drinks with the coven and ended up boarding the plane hungover and raw-eyed from weeping. But she'd had to make her way through those first strange days without him. Had struggled, and he hadn't been there. The guilt of it feels sharper in his thawing body, like a stubbed toe on a cold day.
He takes the glass of water but doesn't drink from it, too distracted by watching her, absorbing every angle and tiny expression on her face as if it's been years rather than -- how long has it been?
Her comment has him glancing down at himself, twinging the scars on his throat. She's not wrong. Sprays and gouts of blood have stained his shirt a muddy brown almost to the waist, and the fabric hasn't improved for being worn by a corpse on cold damp stone. Abruptly, he feels grimy and uncomfortable, and achingly hungry. ]
Perhaps a.. a bath. And something to eat might be good. I'm afraid I'm.. still catching up. [ He reaches up automatically to touch his face and seems to realise something. ] Oh. Do you have my glasses?
( she nods, encouraging, before her eyebrows shoot up. ) โย Oh! Right. ( she reaches into her pocket and grabs his glasses, bound up in cloth to prevent scratches. her hands shake just a little when she hands them off, as if there was some powerful magic in those glasses for her, and releasing them is a relief and a loss all at once. ) I just ... safe keeping, you know. I didn't want them to get lost.
( a very blatant lie, but the smile she gives giles is a little frail, and begs not to be prodded at. she squeezes his hand before letting him go entirely, clapping her hands together to prolong the feeling. )
Okay! You bathe, I'll get us some food. Just โ just keep the door cracked, a little.
( she doesn't have to explain why. it's been a week, and a week too long without him.
while giles tends to himself, buffy builds them up a lunchy-type breakfast, lamb sandwiches with lemonade. anything she doesn't have on hand she goes next door and takes, because she's not leaving giles for longer than she has to, and the doors are all unlocked anyway. by the time she's slicing their sandwiches in triangles, giles is fresh and changed, and so close to the comparative normalcy of last month that buffy almost forgets. except. there's the tear of his throat to contend with, the rough patches of scarred skin that buffy looks at for a second before very purposely looking away, offering him another brittle smile. at the table, she directs him to sit, and then sits next to him, sliding her chair next to his, until their legs touch. they eat, though buffy moreso just watches him, trying not to be too obvious, and failing horribly.
by the time they'd done (and buffy has given him her sandwich without much of a fight), she reaches over and toys with the hair at the back of his neck, thumb stroking the skin. the scars go all the way back here. they really โย got a good chunk out of him. )
You smell good. And you look better. You feel a little better?
[ That careful smile isn't the only fragile thing between them. In the wake of his resurrection and the slow thawing of his being, Giles feels his emotions thrumming in him like an exposed nerve, vulnerable to even the softest touch. The combination of guilt and love as he looks down at Buffy, her hand in his, is almost enough to break his heart into stony pieces and scatter it among the grave markers of his ribcage.
He lets her go with a little reluctance, nodding, and does as he's told as he makes his way carefully to the bathroom, making sure to hold onto the doorway and the back of a chair as he passes.
Bathing is an equally careful process. He leaves the door ajar as requested and peels off his clothes, trying to ignore the stench of death that clings to them, dumping them in a pile in the corner and making a mental note to burn them at some point. As the water runs into the tub, he stands naked before the mirror, reacquainting himself with the mundane reality of his newly remade flesh. Carefully, he touches the scars that ring his throat, evidence of a crime that feels as though it happened to someone else. It's definitely going to take some getting used to.
The hot water helps. Giles lets himself soak in it for a little longer than he usually does, emerging tousled and warm and slightly more human to find clothes laid out for him, a knitted jumper softening his edges, damp hair sticking up. He murmurs gratefully over the sandwiches and falls to without hesitating, putting them away like a teenager. The food helps as much as the bath, but neither are as good as having Buffy there -- he keeps one hand on her knee, even if it makes eating his lunch more difficult.
When she touches the scars, he winces -- but only a little, knowing she's seen worse. ]
Getting there, I think. [ His voice is still a hoarse croak, but the steam from the bath has helped somewhat. He reaches for her hand before she can take it away, bringing it to his mouth so he can kiss her fingers as he meets her gaze. ]
( the expression she dons is butter soft, like he's melted her with his sweetness, smile twitching at his kisses. the depth of emotion is still there on her face โย yesterday she was sobbing herself to sleep over losing him, which neither she nor the remaining edness in her eyes is soon to forget. there just happens to be hope now too, the way there hasn't been for days. it's like the sun's come out, like everything is new again, the whole world in a new light.
buffy moves slow, not because she's hesitating, but because she wants to move at giles' pace, wherever that is. buffy did want to be touched when she came back to life, but not by just anyone, and not unless it was careful. eventually she leans in enough to press her forehead against his temple, nuzzling his cheek, affectionate puppy love. she twists her nose to the side and sniffs. )
I'm glad you came back. ( glad an understatement. she was devastated without him, almost nonfunctioning. the look she gives him says, i know, just go with it. her voice drops lower into a whisper, like this is for him and just for him. ) I really, really missed you, Giles.
( maybe the only person who knows just how much is him, who already had to live without her once before. he knows what it's like. missing a limb or vital organ โ going in for surgery and getting something else removed, something you never got to say goodbye to. slow, buffy leans in and presses her mouth against his, a chaste kiss that turns a little needy. when she opens her mouth, an accidental sob cracks through her breath and she stops, shutting her eyes tightly, shaking her head. ) Sorry. I'm โย ( i couldn't protect you. i haven't been able to protect anyone. i'm not good at this. i don't know what i'm doing. ) I'm sorry.
[ It's slow and careful between them, which is good -- for all they've been thrown together over the last couple of months, the ability to choose that slowness, to be able to relish one moment before moving on to the next, feels like a luxury they've earned. And, Giles is pleased to find, it's all no less intoxicating for being gentle.
Giles stays still as Buffy leans into him, smiling to himself and closing his eyes as she nuzzles against his cheek, enjoying the feeling of nearness and sensory awareness of her, the soft warm breaths over his skin. He keeps hold of her hand in his lap, rubbing his thumb over her fingers.
When she moves to kiss him, he pulls in a tiny breath, surprise and gladness just like the first time, just like every time he gets to do this. He knows it'll echo, this feeling; he's never going to get over feeling honoured, and proud, and unutterably glad to have this with her.
As she pulls back, he opens his eyes and raises his free hand, touches her cheek, tucks stray hair behind her ear. He waits until her eyes open again so he can look into them, heart aching with it all. Who knew it was possible to feel so much, still? To feel so alive? ]
Buffy. [ Deeply fond. ] You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just glad that.. that I can be with you again. If it had been the end, for good -- I would have regretted not being able to tell you, one last time, how much I love you. My sweet girl.
( really, it's the my sweet girl that makes her take a soft, surprised inhale, expression a little alarmed as if realizing she's been observed a little too closely, before it falls back into gratitude for that same reason. her lips twitch into a somewhat bashful smile, but she inclines her head instinctively, nosing open his palm for a place to put her flushed cheek. )
I love you too, Dโ ( from an excess of confidence immediately into embarrassment, she rolls her eyes at herself before turning her head, pressing the word in her mouth against the delicate skin of giles' wrist. ) Daddy.
( a multitude of meanings in the word, she thinks, and she thinks giles knows it too โ though it's not something she's actually said (not out loud, or at least not where giles could hear) since the month she actually thought she was his daughter. maybe that puts a permanent nasty edge to it, from that time they're not supposed to want to remember. but. she'll always see giles as someone paternal to her, but she'll also always want him in ways that are undeniably romantic in nature. daddy, then, the two sides of it.
it does strike her, belatedly, that maybe now isn't the time to hoist rediscovered aspects of their relationship on giles' shoulders โย though, at the same time, there's nothing like near death (or, actual death, the real stuff) to put your priorities back in order. she is a little bit tired of being humiliated by what she wants. still โย giles' well being takes the priority. she drops a kiss on the fatty part of his thumb. )
[ The word echoes through him, a seismic throb, low and deep. It's not entirely surprising to hear it from Buffy, not now, which in itself isn't a surprise, and he ends up smiling as much over her little frisson of embarrassment as the pleasure of being acknowledged in a role he realises he's always, on some level, wanted. It feels like something he's needed to hear for a long time -- longer, perhaps, than he's been willing to admit to himself. That strange month had brought them close, but that hadn't been them, not really. Now, though --
Now, there's nothing here but the two of them. Collared and in an odd place and recently resurrected, yes, but that's becoming less and less unusual. They have a little space. A little time. ]
Actually.. [ His voice is a low rasp, warm, as he watches her negotiate the curve of his hand, fingertips brushing soft skin and silky strands of her hair. ] I was rather hoping to not have to talk, for a little while.
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she's not useful when all the tools at her disposal are taken away. getting up has been the extent of her courage most days, especially today, where there's something different in the air. a full week gone and another round of death on the table, but โย but โ
he doesn't have to wait for her. buffy hears his voice like birdsong in spring, like something is thawing her open, and runs to him like she intends to plow him over and take them both to the ground. buffy stops herself just a step away, eyeing him. remembering. her own death had taken several months to reverse, and she'd spent what felt like forever in the warm embrace of heaven, or some other good place, in the interim. her eyes get watery, blinking, trying to spot the differences to him now, trying to read whatever she left unsaid in between the tension of his expression. )
Giles โ
( after a beat, she reaches up, soft hands on his cheeks, fanning out to touch more of him, to drop the points of her fingers on one hand to the tender ridges of scars on his neck. there's a moaning squeak in her throat, and she bites her lip, before hooking the back of his neck and drawing herself into him, hugging him carefully. )
I'm right here, it's okay. You're โย you're gonna be okay. ( advice from one who knows, ) Just take it slow. You don't have to say anything. We're gonna go back to the house, okay? Just you and just me, so I can get a good look at you.
( so no one eavesdrops and uses it as fodder for some stupid accusation โ so she can figure out how giles really is, without feeling guilty for the surrounding dead bodies. it's a plan, and buffy likes plans, so it's happening. she takes his hands gently in hers, and pulls him along. )
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Buffy -- [ He says in and around her encouragement, as she pulls him close at last, his voice a rough gravel scrape of grave dirt. His arms close around her for a moment that's all too brief -- warm, she's so warm, and it makes him realise how cold he is -- before she pulls away again. ]
Buffy. [ He tries again, as she walks them back towards their house. It's an effort to get the words out past a whisper. ] Buffy, I'm okay.
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inside, she's reminded of coming home after her death โ dawn, too little and too frail to understand how to handle her. or, maybe it's just that no one knows what to do in that situation, because buffy was there, she was part of it, and she still isn't entirely sure how to comfort giles. but โย she at least knows she isn't going to get anywhere by just standing at staring at him. she remembers the cold, remembers being thirsty. she remembers everything was overstimulating, so she keeps the lights low and her hand in giles', guiding him to the little, uninspired kitchen. )
Okay. I'm going to get you some water. ( she says it while she's doing it, pouring him some one handed, because she's not letting go of him. ) And then. Maybe a change of clothes? Since those are all โ I mean, they're just so last season. And then we can talk? If you remember what happened to you?
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He takes the glass of water but doesn't drink from it, too distracted by watching her, absorbing every angle and tiny expression on her face as if it's been years rather than -- how long has it been?
Her comment has him glancing down at himself, twinging the scars on his throat. She's not wrong. Sprays and gouts of blood have stained his shirt a muddy brown almost to the waist, and the fabric hasn't improved for being worn by a corpse on cold damp stone. Abruptly, he feels grimy and uncomfortable, and achingly hungry. ]
Perhaps a.. a bath. And something to eat might be good. I'm afraid I'm.. still catching up. [ He reaches up automatically to touch his face and seems to realise something. ] Oh. Do you have my glasses?
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( a very blatant lie, but the smile she gives giles is a little frail, and begs not to be prodded at. she squeezes his hand before letting him go entirely, clapping her hands together to prolong the feeling. )
Okay! You bathe, I'll get us some food. Just โ just keep the door cracked, a little.
( she doesn't have to explain why. it's been a week, and a week too long without him.
while giles tends to himself, buffy builds them up a lunchy-type breakfast, lamb sandwiches with lemonade. anything she doesn't have on hand she goes next door and takes, because she's not leaving giles for longer than she has to, and the doors are all unlocked anyway. by the time she's slicing their sandwiches in triangles, giles is fresh and changed, and so close to the comparative normalcy of last month that buffy almost forgets. except. there's the tear of his throat to contend with, the rough patches of scarred skin that buffy looks at for a second before very purposely looking away, offering him another brittle smile. at the table, she directs him to sit, and then sits next to him, sliding her chair next to his, until their legs touch. they eat, though buffy moreso just watches him, trying not to be too obvious, and failing horribly.
by the time they'd done (and buffy has given him her sandwich without much of a fight), she reaches over and toys with the hair at the back of his neck, thumb stroking the skin. the scars go all the way back here. they really โย got a good chunk out of him. )
You smell good. And you look better. You feel a little better?
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He lets her go with a little reluctance, nodding, and does as he's told as he makes his way carefully to the bathroom, making sure to hold onto the doorway and the back of a chair as he passes.
Bathing is an equally careful process. He leaves the door ajar as requested and peels off his clothes, trying to ignore the stench of death that clings to them, dumping them in a pile in the corner and making a mental note to burn them at some point. As the water runs into the tub, he stands naked before the mirror, reacquainting himself with the mundane reality of his newly remade flesh. Carefully, he touches the scars that ring his throat, evidence of a crime that feels as though it happened to someone else. It's definitely going to take some getting used to.
The hot water helps. Giles lets himself soak in it for a little longer than he usually does, emerging tousled and warm and slightly more human to find clothes laid out for him, a knitted jumper softening his edges, damp hair sticking up. He murmurs gratefully over the sandwiches and falls to without hesitating, putting them away like a teenager. The food helps as much as the bath, but neither are as good as having Buffy there -- he keeps one hand on her knee, even if it makes eating his lunch more difficult.
When she touches the scars, he winces -- but only a little, knowing she's seen worse. ]
Getting there, I think. [ His voice is still a hoarse croak, but the steam from the bath has helped somewhat. He reaches for her hand before she can take it away, bringing it to his mouth so he can kiss her fingers as he meets her gaze. ]
Better for having you here.
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buffy moves slow, not because she's hesitating, but because she wants to move at giles' pace, wherever that is. buffy did want to be touched when she came back to life, but not by just anyone, and not unless it was careful. eventually she leans in enough to press her forehead against his temple, nuzzling his cheek, affectionate puppy love. she twists her nose to the side and sniffs. )
I'm glad you came back. ( glad an understatement. she was devastated without him, almost nonfunctioning. the look she gives him says, i know, just go with it. her voice drops lower into a whisper, like this is for him and just for him. ) I really, really missed you, Giles.
( maybe the only person who knows just how much is him, who already had to live without her once before. he knows what it's like. missing a limb or vital organ โ going in for surgery and getting something else removed, something you never got to say goodbye to. slow, buffy leans in and presses her mouth against his, a chaste kiss that turns a little needy. when she opens her mouth, an accidental sob cracks through her breath and she stops, shutting her eyes tightly, shaking her head. ) Sorry. I'm โย ( i couldn't protect you. i haven't been able to protect anyone. i'm not good at this. i don't know what i'm doing. ) I'm sorry.
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Giles stays still as Buffy leans into him, smiling to himself and closing his eyes as she nuzzles against his cheek, enjoying the feeling of nearness and sensory awareness of her, the soft warm breaths over his skin. He keeps hold of her hand in his lap, rubbing his thumb over her fingers.
When she moves to kiss him, he pulls in a tiny breath, surprise and gladness just like the first time, just like every time he gets to do this. He knows it'll echo, this feeling; he's never going to get over feeling honoured, and proud, and unutterably glad to have this with her.
As she pulls back, he opens his eyes and raises his free hand, touches her cheek, tucks stray hair behind her ear. He waits until her eyes open again so he can look into them, heart aching with it all. Who knew it was possible to feel so much, still? To feel so alive? ]
Buffy. [ Deeply fond. ] You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm just glad that.. that I can be with you again. If it had been the end, for good -- I would have regretted not being able to tell you, one last time, how much I love you. My sweet girl.
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I love you too, Dโ ( from an excess of confidence immediately into embarrassment, she rolls her eyes at herself before turning her head, pressing the word in her mouth against the delicate skin of giles' wrist. ) Daddy.
( a multitude of meanings in the word, she thinks, and she thinks giles knows it too โ though it's not something she's actually said (not out loud, or at least not where giles could hear) since the month she actually thought she was his daughter. maybe that puts a permanent nasty edge to it, from that time they're not supposed to want to remember. but. she'll always see giles as someone paternal to her, but she'll also always want him in ways that are undeniably romantic in nature. daddy, then, the two sides of it.
it does strike her, belatedly, that maybe now isn't the time to hoist rediscovered aspects of their relationship on giles' shoulders โย though, at the same time, there's nothing like near death (or, actual death, the real stuff) to put your priorities back in order. she is a little bit tired of being humiliated by what she wants. still โย giles' well being takes the priority. she drops a kiss on the fatty part of his thumb. )
You wanna talk about it? Your ... what happened.
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Now, there's nothing here but the two of them. Collared and in an odd place and recently resurrected, yes, but that's becoming less and less unusual. They have a little space. A little time. ]
Actually.. [ His voice is a low rasp, warm, as he watches her negotiate the curve of his hand, fingertips brushing soft skin and silky strands of her hair. ] I was rather hoping to not have to talk, for a little while.