( the bottom line: she doesn't know how to. having a soul won't change all the things he did while he was void of one — the same way all those things can't stop buffy from wanting him, even needing him sometimes. the soul isn't exactly the issue, it's how spike makes her feel. it's what he does to her. it's how she responds to it. it's — wrong, she thinks. august and gale were wrong. something is wrong with her, demonically wrong, because this can't possibly be right. )
[ Spike wants to grab her by the shoulders, beg her not to call him that. Beg her to kill him, end him, love him. Treat him like a man instead of a thing, treat him like a thing so he doesn't have to care about all the ways he's wronged her. All the ways he tries to do better and comes up short, because he'll never be good.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
william. please stop.
🎀
He throws his phone into the woods, instead. ]